From Newsgroup: alt.bbs.sysop

Roll up top window


The Land Surfer News Archives







August 26 2001 - Sunday
G'day, wasn't last night huge ? We made a flag for the unicycle and have started promoting the website. And didn't it give me inspiration. The
flag was on a whip like beastie hanging off the back of the uni and it
is a lot of fun to ride with. You can whip the posts with the flag by
doing massive twists on the uni as you go past, lots of fun. At one
point I found an empty water bottle sitting on the top of a post , it
took me four attempts, but I figured out how to swing my new tail to
knock the bugger off. Got it on the backswing , which is not nearly as satisfying, but it was still great fun, the folks who were standing
nearby did think it looked fun, so coool...

Was talking to a group of people out the front on the boardwalk, you
know, I stopped and they asked me to do some tricks for them, anyway
finished up and proceeded on my way, when they yelled out to me to have
a crash on purpose. I like to oblige, one crash coming up. The group of
people in front of me blew out when I stepped off and thought I had had
a big crash, the group behind me were pissing themselves laughing, they
had asked for the crash. When they saw the people in front of me blowing
out, the laughter doubled in size. This kind of stuff happens all night.
And it was bloody funny...

Can't have a break sitting on top of my car, I parked out the front on
the beachside and I had stopped to have a can of vodka. Sitting on top
of the car watching the car guys go by and chatting with them as they
passed, in five minutes I had three groups of people pushing me to get
back on the uni and get back to work. Don't have this problem when I
stop in a coffee shop for a break. But it is funny sitting on the car
and talking to the folks. The girls that were parked next to me left me
a stubbie to drink when they left, so all in all, it was a pretty nice
time...

Had a couple of girls come up to me last night to apologise for running
the light down on the highway on Friday night. They overshot the white
line when the light went red and were concerned that I was blown away as
I took evasive action. What lovely girls, thank you very much for your concern. I explained to them that I wasn't freaked out , I was more
blown away that they cared enough about me to come up and apologise. A fantastic feeling...

Saw a police car take the corner with the crossing on the corner of
Cavill and Orchard Avenues, he had his siren and lights on, and they did
have a serious problem in one of the cabs up the street. But I just
don't think that the speeds involved were necessary, there are a lot of intoxicated people in the street at that time of night and what those
coppers were doing was downright foolhardy and extremely dangerous.
Quite a few people at the time remarked that if someone was on that
crossing , they would have been dead. I drive for a living, and my
driving record is very good, and I can tell you that I would NEVER, EVER attempt that corner at that speed with the drunks on the street. Shame
on you guys, you did our town a disservice. You made us look very
sloppy, and very dangerous. If you want to play with peoples lives ,
then go and join the traffic branch of the service and you can get your jollies scaring the living shit out of joe public. Don't be f**king
idiots and drive like maniacs through a pedestrian zone. All in all,
f**king dumb...

Had some fun with Robert James, you know the flamenco guitarist that
plays in Cavill Avenue ? While it was quiet, he was playing some
beautiful music while I danced on the Land Surfer (unicycle). We must
try this on stage one day, it felt awesome. The guy has soul, I kind of
give up my will to dance with his music as I go past, and we play with
it a little. Sometimes I have almighty crashes, the music comes to a
crescendo and I have nowhere to go and come down in a heap. Sometimes I
don't pick the changes up, you get a little involved with the music and
forget that you're actually perched on top of something. But without a
doubt, last night , Robert had me doing turns that I thought were
downright impossible, just f**king lovely. Thanks loads man...

Had a good time with the posts in the mall , I was doing some of that
high speed Land Surfer slalom racing and shouldering the posts as I went
past. You've got to give it to it , which means getting a bit physical.
I was really thumping the posts with my shoulders as I went past, trying
to shave the absolute edge off the corners. Bloody great fun...

Something else that is fun, roll a spliff, light it up and then ride
through the crowd. On the footpaths where the crush gets a bit thicker,
the ride becomes really interesting, and in truth, this is where you
really learn how to ride a unicycle ( sorry - Land Surfer ). Smoking a
spliff while you manouver through the crowd at walking pace , dodging
from side to side and darting through the gaps is just awesome. Someone
said last night that you actually see where I'm going now that I've got
a flag on the back. It used to be , I would dissappear in the crowd
after getting around say four people. You get some interesting reactions
as you come upon people in the middle of the crowd, needless to say if
you are smoking a spliff as you ride through, the reactions become even
more interesting. Life should be interesting, so go hard you bastards...

Got asked an interesting question, what interesting and strange places
have you had sex in ?

Thought about it a bit and here's your answer.

In a lift, on a cruise liner.

The front seat of a ladies car while parked in the Toowong cemetery. (
This had something to do with a bet I made with myself, I won the bet)

On the beach at Marcoola.

In the middle of Malanda Falls park.

In the waterfall at Malanda.

On the white line in the middle of the road in Malanda. ( It was 4 am,
the milk truck came through and we didn't move, we were kind of horny)

In the back yard when the moon was full. ( The house behind us was on
top of the hill and overlooked us. Guy and his wife would both sit on
their verandha on moonlit nights. Wonder why ? )

On top of a grave.

In a ladies toilet at the pub. ( Spectators can be a problem here. But
they didn't complain to management. In fact they kept coming back with
more friends. Women are much different to men, or are they ? )

On a bed. ( Hey ? What's so strange about a bed ? We'd been spotting
hash all afternoon, and myself and a lady friend were attempting to have
sex, with emphasis on attempting, when I got a tap on my shoulder.
Looked down and there is a guy laying underneath the lady that I'm
laying on top of. We were whacked out of our heads, and it ended up as a
big giggle session. But how the hell can you be that far gone that you
try to use a guy as a bed ? )

On a sidecar cruising down the highway.

On a motorbike cruising down the highway.

On the roof of the house at The Farm. ( A nice flat roof, lent itself to
all sorts of stuff. )

Lots of cars, lots of places.

In the local pool after they have closed. ( Bloody fence was hard to
climb, but it was a kick. )

Probably more, but I've forgotten more of my past than I can remember.
Which is why I'm doing this book in the first place. I seem to spend an
awful lot of time talking to old friends and trying to find out about
the things that I have done. Was talking to an old girlfriend the other
week and she told me how we left a party one night down in The Gap, I
had had a few and was adamant that I could drive just fine, so I
reversed the car the whole way home to the Farm. She said she felt a
little insecure until we made the gate to the long driveway and then
felt fine because I could drive backwards down that driveway at full
noise and know exactly where I was going. Nice lady, nice time...And she
won't let me put up the photograph of her , me and her husband now. You
know, we were young and silly, now of course I am old and silly, and I'm sitting there with my hands on her tits while he looks on, he was one of
our mates at the time. I think it's bloody funny, because they are now
married and we are all still friends. He's a lovely musician, a
saxophonist, hope I've got that right. Saw him on Saturday night before
I left for the coast. We were buggerizing around with printers trying to
make up the flag for the Land Surfer. Got it right in the end, and we
all had a chat before he had to get to his gig for the night. He was
playing in Ipswitch on Saturday night, hope they looked after him. Nice people.... family...

Had a crash in the mall, a big one. Anyway, my flag came undone and I
didn't notice that it had gone, I'd been riding for about six hours at
that stage so I was beyond noticing. These guys picked it up, came
looking for me and handed it back to me. It had the website name written
on it, so I was very glad to see it come home to daddy. Lovely people,
went out of their way for me and I am grateful, thank you. In fact, I
had a swack of people tell me on the week-end that they love what I do
and thanking me for doing it, just what I needed this week. In the real
world , paulie became single again this week. Another relationship that basically ended because I don't like jealousy. Okay, I was going out
with two girls that were friends and it was a real complicated setup.
One was a love relationship without sex and the other was a sexual relationship with love. Still didn't work. Guess I am going to have to
accept that I can't have a girlfriend. I'll have to look at dating I
guess. Maybe that would work better, it's a bugger being a free spirit.
You have to be okay with loneliness if you don't want to live by someone
elses rules. My definition of freedom ?

I can stand up wherever I am, look out the window, get an inspiration to
drive three hundred kilometres to go and look at nothing at all and go
and do it without a word to anybody.

I won't give this up again for anything.

I'm cool with loneliness, I've always been a loner, and now, people in
the street stop me to talk to me. And you can't feel really alone when
so many people want to share time with you.

Sharing and caring and loving.

A relationship without rules.

The street is my home, where I feel comfortable, surrounded by friends,
free to do as I please.

Gotta love it...



Just had a chat to my brother, the four wheel drivenut with his new Land Rover. Talking about him and a bunch of his mates taking The Unicycle
Man of Surfers Paradise out for a week-end down the beach at the wreck
of the Cherry Venture, we could do a write up and video of the occasion
and sell the story to the Land Rover specialty magazines. We can't trek
onto the beach at Surfers, they'd go nuts.

The Land Rover enthusiast with his brother the Land Surfer enthusiast,
it's a natural...

The Land Surfer has to go now, the Logo has popped into my head and I've
got to go build it. Now where is that attitude adjustment ?



Maybe a name change to





The Land Surfer of Surfers Paradise





What do you think ?

More importantly, what do the tourist operators and tourism people in
general think ?

Ever heard of The Wizard of Christchurch ?

Maybe you are old enough to remember The King of The Hippies in
Amsterdam ?

Either way, they promoted their towns.



I think it's a f**kin natural.

We could start a craze.

I've got a few people pushing me to start the unicycle school.

Now I just have to think about needs...





to all my family, which is every person I meet

love ya's hard



paulie





August 23 2001 - Thursday
Seems I've been here before.

Deja vue you might say.

The first wife left , told a whole bunch of stories and claimed that I
was going to kill her. Funny, but last I heard, and this was a month
ago. She's living not far from where I am now, had a couple of kiddies, doesn't seem to have leukemia anymore and is actually living in one of
my cousin's houses.

Now, either both of these insane women are lying, or I am.

But they're both still alive without any interference from me.

I think I should sue both of them for defamation.

If I was any more pacifistic I'd be asleep.

It's just too easy to have a go at the dirty little murderers boy.

I'm so easy to have a go at because I just don't do anything.

In fact, I haven't even fronted the courts.

Got video footage of the last wife, sitting on my couch telling me that
she is a master manipulator and always gets what she wants, amongst
other things. It's good being a tinkerer with an interest in everything.
Video surveillance systems are REALLY, REALLY easy to set up...

Got news for you.

You're wrong...

*******************

Must get a t-shirt printed with a piccie of Andrew on the back,
something like




MISSING


HAVE YOU SEEN THIS BOY ?


Andrew Benjamin Peter Pavlic




Please help find him.


His father , his uncle and his cousin miss him.


And we love him very much.


0403794187


theunicycleman@hotmail.com


theunicycleman.tripod.com


**********************************************


And on the front...








My ex-wife says that I locked her in a bedroom and forced her to urinate
on the floor.





I like a woman with a sense of humour.





Even if she is a dumb bitch...





********************

My young nephew has been giving me a hand with my website tonight. Seems
he thinks that Elizabeth should go to jail.

I agree.

Now let's see, take that t-shirt for a little ride past say 5000 people,
and somebody is going to show some interest.

Or become a serial pest , jumping in front of every video and news
camera I can find.

Hmmm...

Channel 9 has a camera man at Burleigh early in the morning on the week-
ends. He takes footage of the surfers,

I'm a surfer...



And I'm the fittest 39 year old man you will ever see.

Muscles sticking out of my muscles.

More stamina than I know what to do with.

And I can really get around.



This is starting to look like a hell of a lot of fun.



THE GOODWILL GAMES come to town soon.

CHOGM comes to town soon.

INDY down the coast soon.

Our new footbridge across the Brisbane River opens soon.

And any number of events you care to name.



A positive attitude and good incentive and you can do anything.

Even the impossible.



It's a really good feeling being terminal.

I've got nothing to lose.



ROLL on Summer, ROLL on...




Love ya's

paulie









August 22 2001 - Wednesday .*************************************
Had one of those days, you know the kind. Life changing.



Andrew Benjamin Peter Pavlic

Have you seen this boy ?

His right to contact his father has not been allowed.

As far as I am concerned, the law has been broken.

Where is justice ?

Do you have to have money to get justice ?





Set myself up in one of those win/win situations that we all know and
love. Had a chat to my ex-father-in-law and told him what I'd been up to
for the last 15 months. Seems I don't like being screwed over. Also
seems I don't like having money stolen from me. Still getting my wages garnisheed twice a week. Had a little chat about what I would be talking
about should I become famous in the near future. I don't like making
threats, threats should be real, a hold over from my father. I have been wondering what has been holding me back from stepping into the glare of
the spotlight, opportunity seems to beckon all the time now.

My son,.... my beautiful and wonderful child. Really, all I would have
to do is start advertising the website from the back of the uni to get a little more attention. And as they say, any publicity is good publicity.
And I ride past thousands of people each and every week...

Lets see if I can give you the sequence of events.

I marry and have a child with a woman who has three daughters to a
previous marriage. I do 90% of the cooking. I hand over all my pay. I
treat all my kids as my own. I write a love letter each and every day to
my wife who won't get out of bed in the morning. Social services act on
the complaint of three of our neighbours and come around to investigate
claims that my four year old son is not being cared for properly. At ten o'clock in the morning, he is wandering the streets by himself while his mother is asleep in bed, every day. She gives them a cock and bull
story, they never ask me, I would have told them the truth, Elizabeth
NEVER got out of bed in the morning. If the girls wanted a lift to
school, they had to first make her a cup of tea, or she wouldn't get up
under any circumstances. They were frequently late for school. If they
went. My eldest stepdaughter , at the age of fifteen, with her mothers
say so and against my will , had her boyfriend living with us. For six
months he lived rent free while we starved. Any complaint at all about
her behaviour would get you the " if you don't like it you can leave, if
you leave, you'll never see your son again". I started out with a house
that I owned outright, four mortgages later , and a controversial
85%/15% settlement split and I walked away with $2500.

When your wife comes up to you and your friends and starts raving about
the friend that she is going to stay at for 8 days, is a millionaire
with a goldmine., then you start to wonder. You don't wonder when you
find ten minutes of video in your video camera of him on his workbench
working out while she spys on him from in the house. Naturally the
marriage goes bust.

I did thank her boyfriend for f**king my wife, and I was loud, and I was standing outside her house at the time. But I really wanted to thank the
guy, he did me a favour. I was really trapped by the threats...

It would go against me later.

After separating , she disappears for six days, leaving your four year
old child in the care of a 16 yr old girl. You get together with her
previous husband and make dual official complaints about her behaviour
with ALL of the children. We don't have any rights in Australia. She
cuts off her phone and the first time you try to gain access to your
child, she drags him away against his will and locks him in a bedroom.

You write a letter to her telling her that you cannot put your child
through such a thing ever again.

You don't talk to her for twenty days.

She goes to the police, and claims that she was locked in our bedroom
until she was forced to urinate on the floor.

She claims that her life is threatened.

She sics the north quay lawyers on you. Legal aid is never going to beat
these guys.

She gets a police protection order.

You seek legal advice. You get quoted $100 000 to just get a look in,
and even then you don't have much hope.

Only $2500 in my kitty.

They push you into a 85/15 split because you can't afford to fight them,
and that with only one child in the mix.

Never heard of it before.

You never see your child again...

And justice for all...

The guy I spoke to at the family law court meeting that I attended and
she ducked, did comment that she wasn't very smart but that her lawyers
were very clever.

Clever lawyers and a bit of money and you can do anything, if I ducked a mandatory court appointed meeting, I would probably do three days
inside.

And all the while, I am thinking that Andrew is not being considered at
all.

Not his needs for the present, and certainly not his needs for the
future.

Poor little boy faces the prospect of inheriting his father's extremely painful 24/7 testicle condition. And his mother is doing everything she
can to stop his father being there for him in any capacity.Considering
that nobody else has got it, this is a little bit dumb for someone who
is claiming to the court that she is representing the best interests for
her child. In fact, if the tiny little note that she sent me on the
subject is all I have to go by, then I gravely fear for my son's future.

As a parent in Australia, my understanding is that I have to be assured
that my son is being cared for in a fit and proper manner. He isn't.

I have a duty of care.

I have a duty of love.

I am his father.

And my son's rights have been abused.

I know how her ex-husband felt, she played so many games with him. When
the poor guy came to me and asked me to complain at the same time, I
felt sorry for him and his plight, as well as my own, and joined him in denouncing her. It cost me my child, and gave me a really good look at
just how unjust our legal system can be. I never had a chance. And she
knew it.

Which is why we should jail women for this kind of abuse. Threatening
people with their children should be a jailable offence.

I consider it to be torture.

I have beeen tortured.

I had thought I had enough crap to deal with in my life.

I was wrong...



Hi Libby, I think it's time you stopped playing games with me . There is
no greater love than that of a parent for their child. And it is just
amazing the lengths that someone will go through to protect and nurture
their loved ones. Fifteen months of training to become something . To do something wonderful enough to be noticed, to do one thing.

To see my child without threats...

From two months into the pregnancy until you actually did it, one threat
after another.

I lived with the pain.

I nearly died twice.

It made me stronger.



I have been screwed.



And trial by media will be my revenge...



f**k you

paulie





August 21 2001 - Tuesday
Hasn't life been busy ? But busy is fun...

Did some work in the book section.

Had a lot of fun in the surf on the week-end. Kept getting trashed in
the 8 " tiddlers. There has to be a way to beat the buggers, think I've
found this summer's goal. Got the whole summer to do it. Just have to
work hard and it will come to pass. Like the guy that bumped into me on Saturday night and offered some corporate gigs teaching the power of
positive thinking. Funny thing is, I'm already doing that, and enjoying
it. The perception as explained to me is that I am doing what other
people can't do. The perception is wrong, anybody can do it if they want
to. All you need to beat anything is the will to do so. Once I've beaten something , I set a new target and go and beat that. You never run out
of targets, and you set achievable goals. Small steps, easy steps. Break something down into it's simplest aspects and you can begin to
understand it. In the case of unicycle surfing, you don't look at the
surf as your first goal. The goal list would look something like this...

1
Learn how to ride thirty pedals forwards without falling off.

2
Learn how to make transitions.

Transitions are abrupt changes of terrain. I.E. Jumping gutters, riding
on and off travellators, riding over fallen tree limbs on bush tracks.
etc...

3
Learn to ride with your eyes shut.

You'll need this as you can't see the terrain you are riding on inside
the surf.

4
Learn how to ride the beach at low tide.

Sand comes in different types. Around here we are looking at seven
different sand conditions that you can find on our beaches. Some are unridable. Some are incredible.

5
Hit the tiddlers on the surf edge.

The wash of the wave as it goes in and out is a freaky experience on a unicycle. It is totally unpredictable and for what it is worth,

IT IS SURFING. ..

Only thing is, I use a unicycle to surf.

My surfboard is a unicycle.

And it has the same meaning to me as your surfboard does to you.

6
Start riding through real waves.

I do not recommend this in any way.

Ever...

Getting dumped by a big bastard while you are inside it clinging to your unicycle is not one of lifes pleasant experiences, but it is fun...

Roll on summer roll on...

7
Nirvana

Ride into the surf with impunity. Do what you like. Ride into and
through the breakers.

Be...





gotta love that unicycle

paulie





August 12 2001 - Sunday
Went for a training ride with my young nephew this afternoon. We rode
across the old hornibrook highway bridge and back. It's a really long
low bridge that is now left to the fishermen, pedestrians and cyclists.
It's fallen into disrepair since they decomissioned it. Kind of holey.
Like everything else, if you don't maintain it, it dies. Speaking of
which, I finally respoked and rebuilt my number one wheel. So, I'm
learning how to ride it all over again. The bastard has come back with completely different handling characteristics. Makes riding fairly
interesting for a while. This wheel does not go on the beach, I keep
this one with a standard unicycle tyre and my beach wheel has an
oversize bmx type tyre for extra flotation in the sand. I also don't
want to destroy the bearings in both wheels. Beach sand is a bearing
killer, but you already knew that. Doesn't stop me hitting the beach,
it's too much fun to resist. But it does destroy my pride and joy.
Searching around at the moment for some tubing to repair my other
unicycle frame, too many bunny hops and the holes for the attachment of
the wheel are completely flogged. It'll happen when it happens.

Didn't go down the coast on the weekend, lots of work on. Early starts
and it pays, so you do what you have to do. Miss my full complement of
smiles, but next week looms large.

Havagoodone,

love ya's

paulie

August 9 2001 - Thursday
Today did not occur. There was no , this day in history. It never
happened. Honest. Take a look at this weeks pic. Would that face lie? I
kid you not. Some things are never going to happen, no matter what you
do. So go with the flow. Live and let live.

Happiness is relative , if you've got a disposition that says that no
matter what , you have to pull the positives from the situation, then
you've got a chance of survival. Don't live in the negative, it will
kill you, put a positive spin on everything and pretty soon you will set yourself up for win/win situations wherever you go, Never, ever lose,
because there is never anything to lose. It's not a competition. It
never , ever was...



Haven't had a really big fire for a while, must organise one before the weather gets too warm. By big fire of course , I mean in the order of
the old Farm fires we used to throw. You know, the kind of fire where
you sit on the edge of the paddock and watch the blaze from a very safe distance. You know, in the order of 100 feet. (30 m). Don't wear
something warm...

Made a kiln to fire my pottery ocarina's in. Used an old 44 gallon drum
and lined the inside from fire bricks I picked up from the smelter near
where I lived. I used to gather coal with my daughters from the side of
the railway tracks to burn in the kiln. We converted an old vacuum
cleaner into a blower, and on occasion we would get the fire white hot.
The kind of heat that you just don't experience in a suburban backyard.
In winter, the guys who lived on both sides of my house would come over
for a beer whenever we had a firing going. We used to stand at the fence
in order to remain a comfortable distance from the blaze. We built a
coal chute out of a piece of galvanised roofing iron and we would take
turns throwing lumps of coal down the chute.It's just amazing how fast a really roaring fire can consume fuel. And if you are into watching
plasma life forms, then I recommend the above for it's shear idiocy
factor. Not as much illegal and fiery fun as making petrol bombs, but it
lasts much longer.

Oh, if you're making petrol bombs and lighting them off in fires. I
recommend that you don't do it under a tree. A mate of mine had this
dirty big gum tree in his back yard and we planted a fire underneath it. Chucked in the party starter and it defoliated one whole side of the
tree. Landlord didn't like it at all. Bugger...

Remind me to tell you the story about the mysteriously disappearing
fence and stairs one day. Good fire stories are hard to come by...



gots ta go

there's a bath out there with my name on it



love ya hard

paulie



August 7 2001 - Tuesday
Hi, buggered I am. Christopher is with us no more. What a damn shame.
See ya Chris, not. The conspiracy theorists will have a field day,
especially as they're going to cremate him in Majorca. Either way Chris,
we won't be talking about you anymore. See, history does not record the
names of the greedy as being of very great importance at all. Which is
such a shame...

Got out of work one Friday afternoon, and the pain levels were a bit too
high. Reach into the hidey hole, and pull out my stash and roll a joint
for the drive home. Fire her up, take a couple of hits and the pain
bleeds away. 5:15 in the afternoon and I crest a blind hill. The cops
have put in an RBT (Random Breath Test Unit) and they're stopping just
about everything. No way am I gunna get through unscathed. Take another
hit on the joint and throw the bastard out the window. I lean down and
grab my waterbottle, quickly swig down a half litre of water, then roll
myself a smoke. It's helps that I drive for a living and can roll smokes
while behind the wheel with little effort. (Buzzes people when they see
you rolling a durry while riding the unicycle down the beach) Fire up
the smoke and make like I'm having trouble getting the bugger lit, consequently clouds of smoke. Gotta disguise that sweet marijuana smell.
They don't twig and I get through without any trouble. I pull out of the
RBT while rolling a new joint and I laugh and I laugh and I laugh. Not
today guys...

The beach was awesome last Friday and Saturday nights, well moonlit and
I had a great time. It's more than a pastime, this unicycling in the
surf. Met a guy on Saturday night that rides a uni, he took mine for a
wee ride and we had a good chat. It's nice to bump into fellow riders.
I've met quite a few in the last twelve months or so, and it is always a pleasure.The funniest is when someone asks to ride the uni and doesn't
tell anyone with them that they can ride. Always a good laugh. Even had
one guy win a bet on my uni. Anyway, had a heap of awesome rides and
just plain good fun, and that's what it's all about, right ?

Guy walks up to me while I'm doing a favour for a friend, picking up a
couple of beers from his car, one for me and one for him. Couriers
should be well paid. Anyway, he walks up and asks me if I remember him
from the night he managed to knock me off my unicycle. I don't, it
happens often enough that it's commonplace. Guy thought it was real
funny and it was a treasured memory. We laughed and we talked about all
sorts of stuff. I didn't bitch. I've learned. It might not have been
real funny to me at the time, it may even have ruined my evening if it
was a particularly savage fall. But they had fun, and they are having
fun telling me about it, and now I'm having fun with it too. I've even
had the guys that stole my red pool noodle off me, sent me offtit for
weeks, come up and tell me all about it. And they were having a blast. I didn't have the heart to tell them that I meant what I had said on the
night in question. It costs me money, money I can't afford to come out
and muck around, and people stealing off me is not very funny to me. I
don't think that these guys would be all that bothered by that. If you
get something for free, you value it as nothing. I've always had a good
laugh at myself for my own stupidity. I fall into every hole imaginable
until I crack something. But I like to think that eventually I find the
path through ...



Gotta go, my brother wants a favour,

some things you can't refuse,



love

paulie



August 1 2001 - Wednesday
G'day, just got back from a pedal around the block. Eleven o'clock at
night and riding in the street is really peaceful. Not much to distract
you from the experience. Gotta say I prefer summer though. Roll on
summer roll on. Can't wait for the weather to get a bit warmer and hit
the beach.

Mixing your drugs can be a bit deadly, shall I demonstrate ? Now I don't recommend this and this did happen some time ago , but here goes. The
Farm , party house extraordinaire, had quite a few varieties of
mushrooms growing on it. Shrooms is what we would call them. Went out
one day and went a bit nuts with the picking. Got back to the kitchen
for the boil up and to make mushie juice coffee, and found that the
batch size we had created was just a bit large. Now, we had picked a
selection of Blue Meanies and Gold Tops , so we had psychodelic and halucinogenic properties in the mix. At some stage in the proceedings,
some wag suggested we freeze the excess and consume it the next day. We
liked experimentation , so we tried it. Had a go the next day, and
hmmm.... some of the potency lost, but still gets you off nicely, thank
you very much. Only one problem, mushie juice tastes like shit. Hmmm...

Only one thing for it, we would have to mix something with it to make it palatable. Only thing we could find in the house that made any sense was
red cordial. Now if you're going to mix red cordial with mushie juice,
you have to think about storage. Hmmmm... Came across some ice block
makers in a cupboard while searching for something to store it in, and
one thing led to another and we ended up making some red cordial ice
blocks, with a special ingredient. Thought we would take these here red cordial ice blocks out for a shitstir, so we headed into Brisbane City,
and found ourselves wandering down Queen St mall with these magic ice
blocks in our hands. What a weird trip, asked some coppers for
directions to the botanical gardens while sucking away on ice blocks
from heaven. And boy, did we trip. Had a fantastic time. In fact, we had
such a good time, I was driving the work van into the city to do a
delivery about three years later , and experienced one of the most
profound flashbacks in my life. I was full on back in the trip, it was
like it had happened ten minutes ago. My boss found me in the city about
three hours later, after they had figured that I must have gone astray somewhere. He picked me up, dusted me off and took me home. The next day
I spent trying to explain to him what a drug flashback was, and how you
don't have very much control of the bastard. Fortunately, my boss was a
very understanding person, and there was no real drama. So , next time
you see a bunch of long haired layabouts wandering around eating ice
blocks, don't leap to the obvious conclusion. You could very well be
wrong.

It's like a lot of things really, judge too fast, and you'll never see
the truth. I was talking to an ex-girlfiend earlier tonight, and she
said something about how the people that we used to party with , didn't
really know paulie, all they saw was the party animal / maniac, going on
in full party mode. They didn't see, and wouldn't know, the man who sits
at home, the intellectual, sometime philosopher, or the man who never
ever breaks his own morals.



Was about to pull into the depot this afternoon, had a helper in the cab
of the truck. I turned to him while reaching for my phone.

"Okay big fella, call me now ."

I wasn't expecting a call, we were running about an hour earlier than
planned, sure enough, two seconds later my phone rings. I look at it,
it's work and we are 20 metres form turning into the drive. I don't
answer it, we pull in, and we tell the boss that paulie knew he was
gunna call. We all had a good laugh, and it was a good way to end the
day. This stuff is just getting more blatant every day. I wish I knew
where it was going. Oops, I probably do, what do you think ?



Got asked a strange question last x-mas day, what do you want on your gravestone ?

"That's easy" , I replied with no hesitation.



"He's a nice man..."



If somebody believes that you were a nice enough person to merit that,
then you have done a good job of living.



This is my goal...





gotta love ya and leave ya

paulie



July 31 2001 - Tuesday
Finally got my programming section started. Was just going to link to a programming page that I already had on the net, but I wanted to do a
different treatment. Have a decko if you're interested.

Finally got a scan of my brothers old Blues Mobile, that brother of mine
has had some awesome cars. From where I'm sitting, I can just see the
460 big block Bronco in the garage. She's about to leave us, which will
make me very sad, she is the ultimate toy. Put it against the wall, let
the clutch out and all four tyres will start spinning. I've just about
cried every time he has sold one of his beasts to start on another one.
I don't talk about my brother much, this man who destruction tests
vehicle components with such vigour that he creates cars that are near
bullet proof. If I can say just one thing, my brother came home from a
weekend away at a 4wd do and I asked his son if he was looking after his
new toy, a LandRover beastie. And he said, oh yes, dad's had all 4
wheels in the air already. My brother is NOT somebody that I have to
urge to go and jump off the edge. He lives on it. He always has... Love
ya brother...

Just spoke to Morticia on the phone, sweet woman of mystery. She is a
lady friend that I spend quite a bit of time with on the week-ends. A
friend, a good friend , a great friend. I love you Morticia. Close
friends can be the difference between living and dying. I am extremely fortunate, I have many close friends. If you have five, they say you are
a rich person indeed. I have been unbelievably blessed. Thank you...

Okay, we have to start a campaign to get the money together to go to
spain, hijack Christopher Skase. Tie him to a car bonnet, tie the car
bonnet to the back of a car, and take the poor bewildered soul for a wee journey behind the car at say 160 km\hr and for about 50 km. I think
that would be about fitting. Chris baby, we want to see you dead. No
great drama, or huhu, it would just feel good for us poor deluded
bastards that your type prey upon to get some of our own back. I hope
that you die painfully and slowly. You are a first grade prick... If
you've got cancer , good, I'm glad - If not, go here.

All we want mate, is a picture of your dead body, it's not much too ask.
Don't have your body sent back to Australia, if you do, the temptation
to dig it up and send it back would be too great. You love our money and
Spain so much, you f**king stay there... Pussie...

Or do something useful with your life, kill yourself, get your body cut
into thousands of bite size chunks and get yourself distributed over ten
acres of rain forest. Fertilizer is about the only thing that I can
conceive of that you would be useful for.

Greed has got to be the worst human vice, and this guy is a dick. The
excuses for why he can't come back and face the music get lamer and
lamer. If I was in government, I know exactly what I would do. Get ASIO,
the secret boys, to go and just collect the f**ker. Once he's in front
of the court it shouldn't matter how he came to be there. He should face
his accusers. One rule for the rich and powerful and one rule for the
rest. As a child, I was told I lived in a classless society, yeah right.
If you believe that, you should go here too. We've got a f**king pussie
for a prime minister, I don't like the idea of Australia being the
laughing stock of the world. My, aren't we tough. They said we can't
have him back to face the courts because he's too sick, and as usual we
bend over and take it up the arse. Grow some balls people. This guy is laughing at all of us. And we should stop the prick from laughing, he
SHOULD be terrified. Let's see, what can we do to terrify him ?



havagoodone

love ya's

paulie





July 30 2001 -- Monday
Ahh yeah, g'day. You again.

Now folks, if you look around the internet you will find advice that
says that riding a unicycle while under the influence of certain
substances is to be avoided at all costs. They don't exactly say why,
but they do say not to. Now, there is one feeling that I have to try to express to you dear and gentle reader, okay so you're cheap and you beat
up parrots, who's judging you ? Not me matey.

Right, go find your favourite kind of consumables, we're talking green
here my friends. Have say, eight cones, mount up your unicycle and head
into the centre of town. At some stage you're going to come a gutza
smack in the middle of the street in front of all the people, it
happens, believe me... Now, with eight cones onboard, you can imagine
the things going through your head as you prepare to do a freemount in
the street. Okay, I'll relent this once, a freemount is where you climb
aboard the unicycle unaided, I.E. , no post or other object to hang onto
for support. So after you've had your spectacular noisy crash, you are standing in the street looking at the unicycle thinking, I am way too
stoned to attempt this. You can see upwards of a thousand people in the street, a fair number of them are looking at you, after all, you just
rode through them with wild face paint on and you were using them as a
mobile chicane for your enjoyment. So you know that you are being
watched. Think you've experienced drug paranoia ? Bullshit, you've gotta
try this. Now the ultimate kick is to get up on the first attempt like
you do every day when you're straight and pedal away like it is routine.
But you know that you've never been so stoned in your life and still
gotten up on the first attempt. The big idiot grin on your face is not
just because the gorgeous blonde in front of you just gave you that
look, it's more likely to be amazement that you could pull it off as you attempt to figure out where the hell you are going . I very rarely know
where I'm going, and often times don't know where I've been. But I do
know that it's time for a break if I can find the car. Come on ya f**kin pussies, learn how to party HARD.

Came a big gutza on Saturday night, was just pedaling along and
whoooomp. I'm flying through the air. I notice just before I hit the
deck , that I know one of the people approaching me. Don't like much
crashing in front of people I know, they tend to blow out. It wasn't a
real good crash either, it wasn't any kind of step off. This was one of
those, this is going to f**kin hurt crashes. Came down and was trying desperately to spread the impact. if you've done any martial arts , it
might help to understand. Basically I was trying to spread the load
across as much body surface as I could get to the ground as possible,
and you don't have an awful long time to think about it. Sort of was
coming down to land on my hands and knees and I kind of like those bits
so I went pretty limp on impact and took the weight up my full arms and
along my legs. Wasn't too bad, just a little blood on one knee, not much padding on a knee and it's hard to spread the load to your leg without
doing damage. I'm pretty flexible, but you can't flex things that don't
bend.

Which reminds me, had a girl try to knock me down on Saturday night. She lunged into my chest with a stiff arm tactic while yelling at me to
crash. It takes all kinds , not to mention both sexes. For some reason,
they think it's funny to try and hurt another human being. Never think
of the consequences and mostly haven't seen the police arresting people
for doing just what they are doing. It's called assault dear. Okay, she
didn't even come close, which annoyed the piss out of her, I just bent
with the lunge and kept riding with my torso bent. Didn't even break
stride. One day, someone's going to really hurt me with one of these
stunts, I just hope that they like protracted jail terms. I very rarely
say anything on the first attempt, even if they manage to knock me off ,
which does happen occasionally. But the second time, well...

I was reading what I just wrote and thought I would share why I probably
say nothing the first time around. I think that I am finally getting
somewhere with anger management, and I can tell you exactly when I
spotted the turning point. A couple of months ago, I was making love to
a devastatingly beautiful woman, having a lovely time and things were
imminent if you know what I mean. When her cat jumped onto the bed. It wandered over to me, and since I was on my back at the time, he asked me
for a pat. I declined, I was kind of busy, you know ? So the jealous
little bugger walked around us to the other side of the bed and chucked
the biggest piss you've ever seen a little cat chuck in it's life. We
were in a sea of the stuff. Now... I not only didn't show anger, I
didn't feel anger. In fact , I was already laughing at the incident by
the time I'd gotten to the shower to wash it off. The sweet lady of
mystery was a little blown away that I wasn't bothered at all. I'm proud
of that moment, I see it as the turning point in my life. I just
couldn't find a reason to be angry at that cat, he had not done anything wrong. He was just venting his spleen as he saw it . I've started
looking at other things in my life now, and I am discovering that I am becoming a very mellow person. Very little can make me angry, and if it
does, it is very temporary. Fleeting even. I guess I have to thank yoga
and the unicycle for these gains, so thank you. Still a ways to go, will
never be perfect. But thank you pussy cat, you did me a service...But
once is enough, so clear out of the room while I attempt same on your
owner. Okay ?



Cheeky bugger,

Have a great day and may it be interesting,

May the sun shine down on you and catch you doing something you
shouldn't.

Because some rules were made to be broken.

And admit it. When you see someone who obeys all the rules, you
immediately become suss.

They've got to be an idiot.

Break one rule a day, a little rule.

Live a little, it won't kill you.

You don't have to cut off cars on a unicycle like I do, which can kill
you.

Be a little bit crazy, help make our world a less boring place.

Dare to be different.

Because if you're the same as everybody else, then you may as well be
dead.

There's the edge, step over it ya bastard...

Having a "No Fear" sticker on your car doesn't quite cut it.

And it just gives me something to laugh at as I breeze past you in my
shitbox car at 140 while you sit at the speed limit in something that
looks like it's doing 200 when it's sitting still.

Got kind of an advantage there, I drive for a living and have done on
and off for 21 years, so my radar is internal.

Get a life, before it gets you...



love ya's

paulie

July 26 2001 -- Thursday
The Unicycle Man History

or paranoia can be good.

Came home one day while I was living at The Farm, the party house of
uncertain repute. Riding my motorcycle into the driveway, I see a
picture of the absurd. Think I'll hold you in suspense for a moment and
just say that I didn't show a visible reaction. Rode through the front
door as usual and parked the bike in the living room. Had a few guests
I'd never met before , so they were a little blown away by the noise
that a 360 single, two stroke motorcycle without a silencer on the
exhaust can engender, not to mention the fumes generated by the wee bit
of methanol that had been added to the beast's fuel tank. I thought to
myself that I would have a bit of fun after seeing what I saw coming in
the driveway, so I start like this.

"That is f**king it, I've had it. Mate, I'm not going another friggin
night."

"Tonight I'm gunna ride the beast into the ashgrove cop shop with two
jerry cans of petrol strapped to the bastard."

A couple of my good mates were sitting at the table, and they were
always willing to play when I wandered off the straight and narrow. I
guess that they knew me well enough to know that I never do anything
without a reason. What followed was your standard revolutionary text
straight out of the book , so to speak. My mates were playing it for all
it's worth but their hearts weren't really in it, you see I had been
thinking that the place was bugged for quite some time, and not one of
the bastards believed me. But they humoured me, as you do, but only up
to a certain point. When they started to flag, I motioned to the closer
one to look out the window and peer up to the road above The Farm. He
smiled and we continued until one of the guests that I'd never met
mentioned that he thought I was insane.

I wish I had spoken the immortal line, but my big mad mate is awfully
bright and very, very fast, and he said.

"Paulie may be insane, but he's not as insane as that overweight, dumb, sweating copper lying on top of that commodore ( a car ) up on the hill, holding a f**king shotgun microphone that's pointed at us."

You have never in your life seen a police officer get into his car and disappear so fast in your whole life. You've also never seen ten odd
people shit bricks so much in your whole life, and did I laugh. I bust a f**kin gut. Watching someone lose it really badly with a bong in their
hand is incredible. But the bastards wouldn't listen to me. So you get
what you get. Just because you don't believe something, doesn't mean it
isn't true. And it can still bite you. Believe ya bastards...

=====

It is pissing down outside, and just for a change I've actually made
some plans for tomorrow night. We're going dancing in the clubs. Well
knowing us, it will probably be dirty dancing, and you know what they
say. If you're dirty dancing and you don't orgasm (and I don't mean ejaculation) then you aren't doing it right. Here's to doing it right...

=====

Sitting in a pub one night with a mate, this is back in the days when we called a club a disco. We both get a bad case of the ( I've gotta chuck
a piss) blues. We wander around, but we're too drunk too find the
pisshouse. We end up upstairs, wander through a doorway and come across
a prostitue putting her clothes back on, we're polite boys, so we
apologise for the intrusion as we climb out the bedroom window and exit
onto the roof. We commence the second biggest piss you've ever seen in
your life. Naturally she bolts to get the manager. He comes to the
window and says,

"What the f**k do you think you're doing ?"

"Havin' a piss mate, we'll be there in a minute."

Climb back through the window with big smiles on our faces and say,

"How ya goin mate ?"

He takes us by the hand, shows us where the toilets are located, and
leaves us to go and get more drunk. I've got absolutely no idea why he
didn't throw us out, but we never gave them any agro, and we were
polite. So, all's well that ends well. Kind of remember havin a long
chat to the pro at the bar afterwards, and an awful lot of peope
wandered up for a chat as well. Infamy is always fun...

=====

Was out fishing with the same mate once. We'd been fishing for about
four hours and hadn't gotten a bite. Tired and stinking of bait, we
thought we'd go for a swim before heading home. Now, we were at Noosa at
the time, so we thought we'd go look for the nude beach cause we didn't
have anything to go swim in. Couldn't find the bastard, and you know how
it is, when you gotta do something , you just do it. We found a nice
quiet beach with no people on it, shucked off the gear and went for a
swim.

Had enough and we start to walk into the beach, just as we get to the
waters edge, we spot a family unit wandering onto the beach. You know,
mum and dad and the kids. Hmmm..

I look at my mate, he looks at me, and without discussing it, we join
hands and start walking up the beach stark naked holding hands. The
family unit evaporated and we pissed ourselves laughing. Made up for the
lack of fish. Sometimes, even in the quietest moments, life is a ball..

=====.

Was out with the same mate one night, we were in The Samford Valley
Country Club, I was going out with the lady bouncer there at the time
(married the lady a while later) and the barmaid there says there's a
party going on at the house next door to where she lives. She invites
us, but says that she won't be able to leave for a while yet, so we get
the address , grab a couple of our friends who just happen to be
lesbians and we take off in my mates truck. It's a shitty old dodge one
and a half tonner , and the five of us, my mate , me, my missus and the
two girls are all across the front seat. One of our lady friends is
peering under the seat looking for the road map, and she strikes the
lighter one too many times. Those old trucks had what I would describe
as a horsehair seat, and they burn like a bastard. It goes up in flames.
We pull up at the Toowong Cemetery and my daft mate parks on the dead
side of the road.

Some bastard once told me that they don't let people from the other side
of the street be buried there, and idiot me says,

"Why ? "

"Because they're not dead yet, ya idiot. "

The girls start door knocking, trying to find a bucket to put out the
fire, the flames are like three feet high and climbing, and dammit, I
want to go to the party. With a few well chosen words to the dickhead
who parked on the wrong side of the road, I open the drivers door and
drive the burning truck across the road while hanging my arse out in the breeze. Park in some guys yard, and we use his hose to put out the fire.

No real damage done, just lots of soot and the seat is just springs with
black crap all over it. We are dedicated party goers however, and we are
still going to go to this party. We climb in, open up the almost carbon roadmap and find our way to the party. We walk in, we don't know
anybody, we've got no beer, we drank it all on the way , must have
something to do with coping with sitting in the remains of the burnt out
seat.

So we start drinking their beer, turns out, the barmaid barely knows
these people, they don't even know her name. They are just a bit wary of
us, after all, we look and sound like madmen. We are all covered in soot
and three parts pissed, and these people are way straight. Know where
this is going ?

They've got a pool, but they're all sitting bolt upright in their
straight back chairs at the formal table in their formal clothes. The
pool is covered in balloons and it is just too inviting. We all go skinnydipping together, the five of us I mean, and have a whale of a
time dive bombing the balloons.

Climbing out of the pool, we're all amazed at the looks that these
straight buggers are chucking at us. I don't know who started it, but we
do an awful lot of wife swapping there on the grass next to the pool.
Writhing all over each other buck naked while 20 or so straight, square
people sit there watching us. I don't know about you, but for us it just inspired even more lunacy. We had a f**kin fat time. I'm not proud to
say it now, but we left with all the beer that they had left.

You should pay for your entertainment. And they never said a nasty word.
Not one.

We ended up having a bloody great night.

Because we were open to having a good time regardless, we always have a
good time.

Anybody can, even you.

Have a go ya bastards.



I come off the beach one night after riding the unicycle in the surf at
low tide. As I hit the esplanade , I sit down on a bench, finish off the
can in my hand and throw it into the bin. Wouldn't you know it, a police
car drives straight up onto the footpath and parks beside me, bastard
must be god or something. A male and a female police officer get out of
the car and ask me what I just threw into the bin. No sense lying, I
tell them it was a can. We peer into the bin, and wouldn't you know it,
the only can in there is the vodka and passionfruit can that I just put
there. Hmmmm.. The lady cop starts writing out a ticket for drinking in public, it's a huge crime here and carrys a hefty fine. Need I add it's
a fine I don't want to pay ? I'm pretty relaxed and casual, I've been
riding my unicycle around for about four hours and nothing fazes me. I
turn to the guy and remark casually like I've been playing with them.

"It had water in it."

"What ?"

"The can, it had water in it..... I need a lot of water riding around
all night and I was carrying the can as a prop."

He looks at me, I look at the unicycle, he looks at her, he looks at me.
I'm thinking about the little tape recorders that they all carry . He
starts sniffing the end of the can.

"It's gunna still smell like vodka, I only drank the bastard in my car
an hour ago."

We look into each others eyes. He says.

"I guess we'll have to give you the benifit of the doubt this time."

She tears up the ticket and they depart.

Once they left, I laughed so f**king hard I fell of the seat.

Life is fun...

Enough history, as usual, tomorrow night we make history, and we have a
ball. Come join us.

You won't be sorry.

havagoodone

love ya's

paulie


--- Synchronet 3.20c-Linux NewsLink 1.2